Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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