we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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