Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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