when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
