i think i have herpe
just one?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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