Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
