I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
