he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
