Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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