We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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