i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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