But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
