It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
