hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
