3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if only i could text you this smell
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
