well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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