I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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