He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
