I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
