I'm so fucking centered right now
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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