my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
