My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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