she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
