i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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