Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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