3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
