I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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