I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
