I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
