I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
