My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
