Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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