I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
