Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
