How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
