I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
