in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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