Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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