why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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