You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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