I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
