Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
