Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i out mim tonsoeep
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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