I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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