I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
