we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you didnt know i had herpes?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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