I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
