Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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