he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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