new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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