I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
