Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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