At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
