So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
