you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
