i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
