I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my poor anus
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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