Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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